A day off and a phone call...

It was a blessing to lay in bed until 8 am :) WAHOOOOO sleep and laziness! My baby pup joined me though I think she thought it was play time not lazy time. I was able to go pick my sister up and we've had a great day together! We bought some new nail polish and I now have blue nails (which is crazy for me but I love it!) I made pie crust dough and I'm planning on making it into an apple pie tonight!

In the afternoon I got a phone call from school. We're going to try something new with K because of the amount of meltdowns he is having everyday. So for the next few weeks he will have his own little space in a different room and with someone who can be one on one with him all day everyday. He truly needs this individual constant attention and I can't give it to him with 5 other kids that need me too. So for the next few weeks myself and classroom aide will have 5 sweet boys who we are to focus on. K will be the responsibility of a few others until he is ready to come back into my classroom.

My heart is a bit relieved because I knew my other 5 were suffering, but I didn't know how to be everything to everyone.

God provided. Tomorrow, will be a good day.
Happy teaching!
-M

if i could....

I would bring my husband, his co-workers, and some members of my family to my classroom.  I would sit them in the back (preferably behind a one way mirror) and tell them to watch.  I'd give them cookies and coffee or soda if they prefer; and I'd let them have chairs.  The comfortable kind, not the straight back conference kind.  This group of people seem to not understand what it takes to be a great teacher.  Sure, you can go in right before the kids and you can follow them out the door.  You can write simple lesson plans and never make a visual aid or review game and still be considered a teacher....maybe even a good teacher.  That isn't enough for me.  I don't want to be "a teacher" or "a good teacher".  I want to be "a great teacher".  A teacher like "Freedom Writers" who meets her students where their at and forces them to reach their potential.  I usually don't feel like I'm "a great teacher", but I want to continue to strive towards that.  The problem I'm finding is the group of people closest to me seem to not understand this difference.  Teaching is teaching to them.  I shouldn't be exhausted after a week.  I shouldn't be grumpy or crying because work should stay at work; not come home through the front door with me.

I'm here to say they are terribly wrong.  Work should not stay at work.  I should be exhausted every day and every week.  I should feel like crying, when things go really well and when they fail miserably.  Daresay I should be praying for my group of students every day and I should be kneeling before the throne of grace asking for strength and love to give to them each day.  This is my passion, it's what I was created to do.  I know deep down these students were given to me, even for a short time, for a reason.  There is something God wants me to show them.  I stopped focusing on that about 3 weeks back.  I feel as though all I do is fail. I guess it could be a "lack of experience" or "first year teacher syndrome".  Maybe it's more because I stopped asking for grace and strength to honor Him in my classroom and with my students.  I am overwhelmed, I feel inexperienced, I do not have much confidence in my ability right now.  I plan and plan and plan; I try to create the most useful and memorable visuals to help my students grow...most days they leave, I come back to my room and I stare at the walls wondering if I taught them anything.

So anyways, I want this group to come and watch.  Watch the lack of coffee I drink (only right away, once we get going, the cup sits in the back), the amount of energy I expel (in keeping their attention, in presenting a lesson, in showing them I care about them), the amount of interruptions I try to deal with quickly (the young girl who is crying, the two boys who constantly bicker), and the amount of time it takes to prepare even a twenty minute review lesson.  I want them to watch...and see...and know that it's not as easy as walking in at 8am and leaving at 3pm.  I want them to see how these students look at me when they are sad, confused, overwhelmed, feeling neglected, or lonely.  I want them to see how I need to be just as excited as the student who did something well and just as somber as the lonely body starring back at me is.

I think I'm starting to forget why I chose education.  Seeing as no one reads my blog (at least not yet...) I think this is going to be my "reminder" post.  This is written for me...

Meghan Elizabeth,
You mustn't forget why you chose to be a teacher.  Remember in first grade....looking to Mrs. Hagerty?  She started your little dream; be like her.  Remember in fifth grade....looking at Mr. Wilson for his "moment of silence" with his head bowed every day; be like him.  Remember your first grade field experience....how excited you were to finally be in a classroom; don't lose that excitement.  Remember your third grade and seventh grade experience co-ops; don't become them! Remember the day you walked into the high school emotional support class and you met the group of young men you were going to get to work; don't EVER give up on ANY student....Patrick, DJ, Zack, Kay....they worked, and they worked for YOU, because you CARED....and you showed them you cared; don't stop caring Meg. Then there was sixth grade...the group of street wise kids, the burned-out teachers, the lounge filled with "I'm glad I'm not trying to find a job..." conversations; don't listen to them....don't dwell on that.  God is bigger than any economic issue; He'll give you the classroom when He is ready to have you there.  Then the subbing began!!  Five weeks with 5th & 6th graders....wasn't it blissful?  It was an experience that taught you how to start the school year; save that binder! Day to day went okay; good with bad, but lots of new ideas...you wrote them down :) Finally, January rolled around and you were handed a key; that unlocked room three zero.  Room three zero was filled with eighteen 5th graders.  They are yours for the rest of the year.  Meghan Elizabeth LOVE them!  Teach them, care for them, but carry their burdens and excitements.  It was worked well every time before.  They need you to be passionate.  They need you to be thankful for the time you've been given; not moping because next year is unknown.  God could have placed you anywhere, or nowhere at all.  Instead, He put you here...in room three zero to grow in your teaching abilities and to care for His eighteen children.  It never was about the money, it still  isn't, and don't you ever let it be.  It always was, always is, and always will be about the kiddos :) It doesn't matter what people walking past may think of your crazy song and dance.  The children coming into the room are your top priority.  Nothing else matters more.  Trust Him to provide the strength, grace, and love for each day.  Give them your best and never less than your all.  When the day is through, tears may fall...and thank God for them; for it shows the passion you have and the attachment you have made. He gave you a heart to overflow for these children.  He created you to teach.

“Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go.”” Joshua 1:9 NIV


Now I shall end.  We start our last five day week before state tests tomorrow :)
Happy Sunday!

it's been a long time...

Every week seems to pass just a bit faster than the one prior.  I don't quite understand how that happens or why it feels that way.  I teach my students there are 24 hours in everyday, and 7 days in every week....but most of the time I do not feel as though I have had all those hours!

Going into fifth grade I thought I had a fair amount of experiences.  Not a lot, no; but enough to get me going? I thought so.  Each faster passing week is showing me the gaps I have yet to seal in my learning.  I guess maybe they will never be fully sealed, for what would I have left to learn then?  Goodness though, these gaps feel huge.  When I think I've finally handled the two bickering boys, they start up again.  When I think I've encouraged the sweet girl with very little self esteem, we have a break down.  When I think I've finally planned a successful week, something comes up, our schedule changes and I end the week still not finished with all I had hoped.

Our state testing begins in two weeks.  I think I just want those to be done with.  I don't fully know what to expect as I have not gone through them on this side before.  I took them as a student, but even then the tests were not "THE TESTS" that they have become today.  Or at least it wasn't verbally emphasized as much!

I really like the school I'm at right now.  I have a great team teacher.  We seem to mesh well in planning and teaching our students.  I'm spoiled :)  The thought of not knowing what next year will bring is adding a rather large damper to my subbing gig.  I try to push it out of my mind.  "Do not worry about tomorrow, for today has enough worries of it's own." "I know the plans I have for you" declares the LORD "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans for a hope and a future." I, in my little bit of faith and the desire to control this area so badly, want to throw myself on the floor and throw a tantrum until someone promises me that I'll have a classroom somewhere next year.  Even then, I want to stay at this school.  I'm selfish.  It's a problem.  One that is eating me to pieces right now.

The posts following after this will have photos of what's been happening in our fifth grade room.  Most will be anchor charts; I've really started to enjoy having these!  The students take better notes when I'm making the charts and I like having them on the wall.  The partner teacher did request that I stop climbing up on desks to hang them until he arrived in the room next door.  "We don't need Mrs.B juice on the floor".  Personally I think I'm a pro at climbing on desks to hang items on walls/the ceiling.  Have you seen my solar system?!  Alas, I shall abide by his request.  I wouldn't want my students to find a "Flat Stanley" on the floor when they arrived, now would I?

Happy Teaching :)

why change what truly is...

I was never the "pretty girl" or the "athlete of the year" or included in the "popular crowd."  I wanted to be, but truth is I was the "choir singing, piano playing, awkward, yearbook editing girl."  I had friends, most of whom I do not have contact with anymore (some days that makes me sad!).  I desired to be "artsy"; ya know, able to draw and sketch....my doodles didn't even look like anything.  I didn't really like high school at all.  In fact, I counted down my senior year by spending a much time as I could singing and editing the yearbook.  When the yearbook was published our senior year, for the first time ever, some of the "popular kids" spoke to me..WOW it was awesome! haha

Thankfully those years are behind me.  Maybe it's because it's raining outside; or maybe because I am substituting in a high school this week; or maybe it's because my sister is finishing her first year of college and I'm a bit nostalgic....but today I realized that I still desire to be that "popular girl"....just instead of being a girl I want to be a "popular teacher." 

I want the other teachers to enjoy working with me, to admire the time I put into my students and see the passion I have for this.  I want the students to be excited when I'm in their classroom because we'll have a fun day and learn lots of new stuff.  The reality is high school will always be the same...the "popular students" are not going to like any of the teachers.  I'm not going to all the sudden be the most stylish (even when I try really hard to be); I'm not going to wear makeup (even when I have the best intentions of putting it on); I'm not going to say the cool thing (because I wish I could); I'm going to be "that teacher."

The one who puts in the hours, who decorates the classroom, who greets good morning and says good bye every single day.  The teacher who keeps one sweater at school and wears it even if it does not match the outfit she's wearing.  No I will probably never be the skinny, trendy teacher I picture in my head.  But I'm desperately holding on to the fact that beyond those superficial aspects, I am a good teacher who is able to teach her students.  Thankfully elementary students are not as "clicky" as high school!

I spent an hour this morning attempting to create a "cool" blog background and header.  I have given up.  I'll stick with the simple solid colors and a few circles on the backgrounds.  Why change what truly is?  God created me the way I am....the "striving to be modestly stylish, creative but unable to produce art, passionate teacher" and He must have had a purpose behind that.  So here's to my blog that no one follows, with a simply layout and high school dreams of making a difference :)

memorial box monday...

I don't remember exactly how I found this blog, but I have been following this beautiful family at A Place Called Simplicity for a few months now....well since early in the summer.  I love to read their newest stories.  This amazing family has a heart for adoption; and has many beautiful children because of it!  They rest in God and His promises to provide for their needs and He faithfully does.  I don't know the full story, but she started "Memorial Box Monday" as a special type of blog post dedicated solely to telling a story of how God fulfilled His promises!  The above photo is their's which they use to represent their MBM posts...I don't know that I can be as good at posting every Monday, but today I was reminded of God and wanted to share!  So here's my first (of hopefully many!) MBM posts....

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD,
"plans to prosper you and not to harm you; plans to give you a hope and a future."
Jeremiah 29:11

My passion is teaching.  I feel alive (most days) when I have a group of students and I am teaching them something new!  I am a certified Elementary and Special Education teacher.  I love both sides equally!  I defend my students no matter what label the education system has given to them.  I truly believe God created me with this little heart filled with the desire to be a teacher!  I've wanted to be a teacher since I was in first grade and never really wavered from that.  Of course some day I'd love to be a Mama, but right now I know His plan is for me to teach.  When I graduated in May, the outlook of a job in my state was slim to none.  I forged on believing that He would provide a full time job for me because He knew how much I wanted to teach....He created me to do it, of course He knew!  Well, numerous applications with no responses came and went, and I didn't have a full time job.  I fell back on applying to AmeriCorp simply so I could be in the same school everyday.  It wouldn't be a "teaching" job, but it'd be as close (as I thought) as I could get to teaching this year.

Silly me, gave up on God well before He had given up on me!  How grateful I am that He knew much better! My AC application landed on a desk of a principal at a local school who called immediately saying "I'd really like to interview you for our AC position."  This was my third AC interview, and I assumed I probably would be working at the first school I interviewed at, but I agreed to meet said principal.

Within twenty minutes of meeting this new principal, God began to show me His real plan :)  The principal had two long term substitute positions available for this school year.  He asked if I would be willing to put my AC application aside and consider taking the long term.  ABSOLUTELY!!!!!!!!  You mean, I would get to be a TEACHER!

God blesses me beyond what I deserve, or ask for.  He is good!  I taught for the first five weeks of school as a 5th and 6th grade Learning Support teacher (yay Special Education!) and starting January 3, 2012, I will get to teach the remainder of the school year as a 5th grade teacher (yay Elementary Education!)!!!  I am the luckiest girl!!!  I have been blessed with many days of subbing in between these two positions.  I am not guaranteed anything for next year, but God has shown me that He knows (and remembers!) the desires of my heart, that He created.  He will provide the classroom of students that He wants me to love and teach each day for the length of time I need to be there!

My heart is so excited to meet these 18 fifth graders that I will get to call "my first 5th grade class!"

Dear Linny,  Thank you for starting MBM...someday I hope to have a physical box (much like yours) that I can go through with my children to teach them how faithful our great God is! You and your family are a huge encouragement to me.  I pray someday I will be able to share an adoption story with you as I have read yours!
Much Love,
M

For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus
to do good works, which God prepared in advance
for us to do.
Ephesians 2:10