A day off and a phone call...

It was a blessing to lay in bed until 8 am :) WAHOOOOO sleep and laziness! My baby pup joined me though I think she thought it was play time not lazy time. I was able to go pick my sister up and we've had a great day together! We bought some new nail polish and I now have blue nails (which is crazy for me but I love it!) I made pie crust dough and I'm planning on making it into an apple pie tonight!

In the afternoon I got a phone call from school. We're going to try something new with K because of the amount of meltdowns he is having everyday. So for the next few weeks he will have his own little space in a different room and with someone who can be one on one with him all day everyday. He truly needs this individual constant attention and I can't give it to him with 5 other kids that need me too. So for the next few weeks myself and classroom aide will have 5 sweet boys who we are to focus on. K will be the responsibility of a few others until he is ready to come back into my classroom.

My heart is a bit relieved because I knew my other 5 were suffering, but I didn't know how to be everything to everyone.

God provided. Tomorrow, will be a good day.
Happy teaching!
-M

My sweet boys...

Yes, I do refer to them as "my sweet boys" ... It makes them smile and sadly it might be the only positive verbal love they hear for the remainder of the day.  Some of them do not have the loving and supportive home like I grew up in.
Some of them carry a lot of anxiety.
Some of them are afraid of other students.
Some of them need more positive reinforcement more often than others.

All of them need love.

I always seem to amaze myself when I come to this conclusion (you would think that after the first few times, I would catch on....nope, still amazes me) concerning myself and teaching.

I'm not like a lot of teachers. Somedays that's a good thing and somedays it's not. I'm fairly simple (though I can be terribly confusing) in how I view the world and the humans that live on it.  I have come to the simple conclusion that all anybody really needs is someone to love them.  Not just provide for them physically and/or emotionally....but to truly love them. To be amazed at the things they do week....to provide structure, consequences, and rewards consistently...to be patient with them when they mess up...to hang their artwork on the wall....even if its not the nicest!

Last year my partner teacher was frequently concerned about my attachment to my students. Some days he warned me that I would burn out very quickly or wouldn't be able to move on at the end of the year. I fought him on this because I kept telling him that the attachment and concern I had for my students kept me going and made me work harder to be a good teacher. He was partially right and I was mostly wrong....about one thing.  I couldn't move on.  I struggled through our move and the entire summer with letting go of my 5th graders.  I wasn't planning on not being there this year when I sent them home for the summer. Even when I started the sub position at the autism academy, I still fought it. I didn't belong here. My kids were back there.  What my partner teacher probably didn't realize was that he was preparing me more for my own classroom now than he was in dealing with my classroom then.  I will always care for my students, but I understand the importance of having some detachment.  K wouldn't survive if I couldn't detach myself from him. I am capable of teaching my six sweet 15 year old boys with autism because of the classroom management he taught me how to use consistently.  And because for so many months he showed me how to balance caring for my students but not carrying their burdens. He taught me how to be strong for my kids when they needed me to be able to hold it together. Sure, some nights I bring school home...who doesn't? But most nights I can let my frustration at school.

Today I realized this again. We were in the middle of meltdown #2 of the day, and I was verbal to K and three adults were holding him. Once he started to calm, I had to count to 100...out loud...sheesh, it's a long way from 1 to 100 .... But in the middle of it, thinking back to the mean things K screamed at me in the middle of his anger, and the spit he spewed that was running down my neck, and the bruise that was certain to appear on my leg from him kicking, I realized that I found that balance. I can keep my voice calm for him because he needs me to be calm. I can keep my touch gentle because he needs to feel something kind. I don't take his mean comments personally because I know when he's finished being angry he'll say he's sorry.  I can let go of the morning tantrum so that when the second one comes, I can be strong for him again.....now by the time the 4th one was over, I was out of patience.

I savor the moments when one of them smiles. Ja smiles when I call him my sweet boy. Je loves to have his hands tickled. To really enjoys helping me and is always offering to organize my messy table! Ty just wants one of us to listen to him....and let him make copies...he enjoys tasks and making copies is one of his favorites! M just wants individual attention. K loves cookies and playing tic-tax-toe....See, even when they throw fits; hit; spit; kick; say mean things; and flat out disobey me....I can still love them through it.  Not by giving into them but by teaching them how to become better at using coping skills and making better choices.

I am thankful that God created me to be a teacher. He made me in such a way that I can love these sweet boys and take on their tantrums. He gave me a great partner teacher that I could lead from so that I would be ready for these boys at this time. I don't know how long they will be mine. I don't know how many tantrums I really have the strength to weather, but I know that God has been gracious and faithful in providing me with just the right amount of patience and love for each day. Very much like the manna, He gives me what I need for each day.

And through it all, start to finish, we all just need a little bit of love.  See, love covers a multitude of things.

Tomorrow I have a day off. I plan on sleeping and enjoying a few hours with my beautiful sister. I am thankful for the supportive staff that was encouraging me to take the day to rest. They have been a big help in teaching me how to work with K. I am thankful that every morning we gather as a staff of people and pray for patience and strength.  We pray for safety and health for our kids & staff and we pray that in their most horrid fits, we are able to remain calm and compassionate. Tomorrow I will rest and be ready to finish the week out with my sweet boys! Field trip on Friday...we're going bowling!!

Do you have any stories? I love stories!
Happy teaching!
-m

the [yucky] side of autism...

For the most part, any time a student (one considered "regular" or "special needs") changes environments this thing called a "honeymoon period" occurs.  The length of the honeymoon depends on the student. Kids with Autism can and cannot fall into this category.  For the most part, you'll have at least a few days of great behavior and you'll swear this new student is awesome.  And then the honeymoon ends.

Last Wednesday (yes, it's only been one week since I started my own room...) K entered our school and was placed in my room.  He has an Autism/MR diagnosis and he's reading most words on a first grade level but not usually comprehending; he can do wonders in math when given a calculator. He LOVES playing computer games and his DS.  Both are allowed to be used during breaks and are usually what we picks.  He had a great start last week and I was surprised to see where he was at and how well he was behaving.  Prior to his arrival the "horror stories" about his fits and destruction came to me.  I do my best to take them lightly because 1 (it's pride) but I want to give the chance to do well with me because I want to be that good of a teacher and 2 who wouldn't want a clean slate when they went to a new place.

This week the honeymoon ended.  The stories were true.  For the first time I watched first hand how terribly controlling and angry an autistic fit is. Monday came with two trips to the quiet room both required multiple adult escorts.  He ripped his worksheets over and over and over; broke pencils; threw pencils; kicked his shoes off; and spit :)  I was spit on and he hit my leg a few times but we all survived and laughed about the ending of the honeymoon.  Newbie teacher only got 2 good days :)  funny, right?!

We had two rounds of it today.  Today he hit my jaw.  And he bit my arm.  And he bit my aide's arm.  He didn't break skin but I've got a great headache and my aide has an awesome full mouth bite mark on his arm.  It took three adult men in the therapeutic hold.  It broke my heart.  And yet they tell me this is the best way to teach him that he needs to stay in the classroom and complete his work when asked.

Everyone has their thoughts and opinions about how to handle it.  I'm trying to listen to them mainly because they have been here longer. Some of the things I do not understand and it's so backwards of what I feel like I want to do.  The plan is to keep K in the room and remove everyone else when he is having a fit; I guess it avoids him escaping the room.  So I think I'm going to create a "leave the room" box/bag/bucket because today we were out of our room for over 30 minutes and I was very flustered.

I'm going to clean up my room.  Fill their folders for tomorrow.  I'm going home.  I'm going to walk my dog and ask husband man if we can go eat Chinese tonight. Tomorrow I will come back.  Because good day, bad day, terribly ugly day, that's what I do.  I always come back.  Today I don't know why I'm here.  Possibly because there aren't very many teachers that really want to teach in an alternative ed Autism school.  I'm understanding that more.  But it might also be because God thinks I can handle it.  I think He's a bit nuts; and I'm not going to lie, having never been in a fist fight before I think I need to learn some moves!

It's amazing to me how physically exhausting teaching can be.  Unless you've done it, I don't know that you can understand it.  My brain hurts, my body hurts, my heart aches, and I'm tired.  Tomorrow we get to do it all over again....

....except K has an appointment and won't be here tomorrow :)  good or bad, I'm a little bit relieved about that!

How was your Wednesday?  Do you have any physical wound stories?  Or any room destruction stories?  Or any words of encouragement?!

Happy Teaching!
-M

It's Here! It's Here! IT'S HERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yes, the time has arrived [finally] to open my own classroom.  While there were some paper work items I could gather ahead of time, I pretty much had to wait until last Wednesday [the day before Thanksgiving] to begin working on the room.  I had to continue teaching the 10 older students who I was filling in for the maternity leave with.  It was a juggling act; one I hope I do not have to do again; but we made it through.  I was able to hand over progress monitoring completed through the 3rd week and all work graded when the teacher I was in for returned.  She had three non student days to ready her new room and once the students left on Wednesday, I began "remodeling" the one I was staying in.

My group is [currently...though rumors are floating of an addition coming before the end of December] 6 boys, all 14 or 15 years old and one male aide. Two have a TSS who comes daily/multiple times per week.  *Speaking of TSS...I should probably pull in some extra chairs! oops....*  You'll notice from the photographs that I did my best to tone down my girliness and make sure the things they are going to be using on a daily basis are "boy friendly" and not all pink and purple....though my stuff is :)

I hope you enjoy this first tour of my new classroom!! I still have a few items, which I'll post in the coming days, to add, but overall....we're ready for tomorrow :)

...well, the room is!  I'm still working on my nerves!!!

Math Station

Quiet Zone [aka...sensory corner]?
First Classroom Rule!

Reading Station
Second Classroom Rule

Spelling Station
Third Classroom Rule

Writing Station

Bookshelf: Student Supplies
Mapping Station
Door:  "Finished Work" Folders and Visual Schedules

Classroom Aide table for Aide Time
Morning Meeting board

Information Station
Earn your field trip chart and behavior chart!

My zone :)
SMART Board
and Birthday poster!!!

Teacher time table
Group schedule table
LOVE my little green [dollar tree] bucket!!! YAY!!!!!!!!

Right side of the room

Left side of the room

I'm in love with this room already....I can't wait to see what the kids think tomorrow :) Happy Teaching!!!!!

-M

the overwhelming joy...

"I thought this was your dream."  was the remark from husband man's mouth after I told him I'm just stressed about opening this new room.

It stung a little.  It was (still is, I think) my dream to have my own classroom.  That doesn't take away the stress of starting a brand new one :)

After numerous class list changes and four room rearrangements, I will have a full time aide and 6 wonderfully 14/15 year old boys :)  all have autism + something else!  Five of them attend my school already and I have been getting to know throughout this year.  One of them will start brand new with us next Wednesday!  The cool thing is, that he'll start on the very first day of our new classroom.

The overwhelming this is, he'll start on the very first day of our new classroom...

There are so many more aspects to a classroom than I realized.  I know I have the essential parts in my head, but executing them and having them in place is taking more than the fifteen minutes I feel as though I have :)

The catchy part was that I was still teaching the 10 high schoolers in this room up until yesterday.  As soon as they left, I started to tear apart Kerry's room and shift what was left of her stuff down to her new room.  I left because we were traveling home for Thanksgiving....leaving a HUGE mess for me to come back to.

The good news is that I have Monday and Tuesday to work on my room.  I am beyond grateful the change is happening over a long break because I wouldn't have been able to do it all in a weekend.  I also have a great aide who has offered to help with anything I need!


Any suggestions for how to make a large change a little easier on kids with autism??!!

Happy Thanksgiving!!!

-M

...the crazy world

Autism - noun - a variable developmental disorder that appears by age three and is characterized by impairment of the ability to form normal social relationships, by impairment of the ability to communicate with others, and by stereotyped behavior patterns

^as defined by Meriam Webster's online dictionary.

Wouldn't it be a better world if that statement were fully true. Is it true?  Yes, absolutely.  Is that all that autism is?  No. Not in my little experience. 

Just because a school is labeled as an autism spectrum disorder school also doesn't mean every student there is going to have a (correct or most prevalent) diagnosis of autism.  Many of the students have emotional behaviors that far out weigh their autistic tendencies.  Some days I am so frustrated and exhausted that I want a sensory break to bang my head on the wall and scream.  Yet something inside me reminds my crazy un-restful soul that they are just kids.  Some could be found in the Children & Youth Services database. Some have great families.  Some have lots of siblings and some only have a few.  Some are above their grade level academically and some are years behind.  But at the end of the day they are just kids.  Normal high school kids that want to do some of the normal high school kid things.  They have crushes; and boy do they fixate on those crushes :) They are hormonal.  They want to drive (scary thought!) and they want to go to prom.  They want to fit in; belong; be head of the pack.  The boys showcase their "manliness" in an attempt to over power the others...sound like a small football team yet?! 9 boys and 1 girl....10 in all.  It's so easy to forget they are just kids yet.  Sure, 19 is "technically" an adult...but experiences differ and he's not ready to be an adult yet. He still needs people to care for him.

Sometimes I forget this. Sad to say, but I think that was our problem the last two days.  I had forgotten that at the core of my teaching belief; the foundation; the reason why I come every day; is the belief that all anyone really needs is a little bit of forgiveness, a decent amount of individual attention & quality time, and a whole lot of love.  Because at the end of the day, do any of use want anything less than that?  Why would my students not need those same things? Today, today I will remember that first and foremost God has called me to love them.  Not to fix them; not to be harsh with them; not to constantly correct their autistic behaviors....but simply to love them as they are.  Encourage them and provide a safe environment when there isn't one anywhere else. 

I feel very overwhelmed in this new world that I find myself in. I love my job.  I am so thankful that in a few weeks I will have my own classroom to decorate, arrange, and teach in.  I don't know if the overwhelmed feeling will be more or less then.

...my wish list...

Today I was able to take a few minutes and create my "wish list" of things I'd like to have in my classroom.  I can hardly contain my excitement about getting my own room!  I know that it's going to be a few crazy days to set up the room, so if anyone has any suggestions, I'm open to them :) I will probably have one or two days to get it all ready!!!!!!!!!!!

On a different note, I am getting a new student tomorrow :) He stopped by for a tour today and seems like a nice kid.  He has a slew of initials that have made there way into his IEP.  What a shame :(  I'm praying he will find his nitche at this place and will be able to control past behaviors in a positive environment.  I feel very unprepared as one of the initials he has been diagnosed with is ODD....I don't know much, but I know that it's frustrating for both the student and teacher.  I keep praying for patience and a whole lot of love that I will have the stability and strength to make him feel welcomed into our class.

That's the news for now :)  One exciting Wednesday coming up....

Happy Teaching!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

-M

and partner teacher said "I was right"...

Yes, yes he was.  In some ways.  To say this summer was not what I expected or planned for it to be would be a mild understatement.  I had given up on being anything but a day to day sub....I figured maybe something long term would come up after Christmas.

Wrong. Wrong again.  Schools around here started this week.  I had heard of an Autism Spectrum Disorder Academy which was opening nearby a few weeks back and had applied for one of their teaching positions; did not hear anything.  I figured I would give them one more call, just in case :)

In nothing other than God's standard way of humbling me and reminding me that He has control and knows what is coming, they needed a shot term substitute with a special education degree :)  OOO That's me!!!!

So two days later I'm sitting in the director's office and she's saying to me "If you tell me you want this job, it's yours and we'll start paperwork today and get you in here next week.  The teacher you are in for is due on September 13th, so we need you here ASAP."  Yes, yes I want this job :)

And so, beginning next week I will be going to an Autism Academy and working in a classroom of 9th - 12th grade students.  The morning is filled with 5 students and the afternoon I will have 10.  To say I am excited is again an understatement.  I am so thankful that God had a place for me here.  I have spent much of my summer frustrated with the timing of everything.....and then I found out why this week.

My first student teaching placement was a 9th - 12th grade Emotional Support classroom....I loved it.  I am so excited to go back to school next week.

If any of you have suggestions for teaching in a high school autistic support room, I'd love to hear them!

Happy Thursday :)