a boy called K...

Some cookies are tougher to crack than others.  I honestly prefer the puffy soft cookies but I can understand why some people like the hard cookies that have to be dipped into milk in order to have a bite taken out of them.

K is a tough cookie.  It's going to take a lot more than a little milk to crack this kid.  Two meltdowns, three adult men, and one teacher desperately trying to keep her voice calm and 45 minutes later......he was calm enough to walk down to the sensory room on his own.  He didn't make it in time for the van to take him home so his dad had to drove over an hour to come pick him up.  Ruins my after school plans and it ruins his afternoon/early evening because he has to drive so much.

K's a sweet boy with a high pitched voice that sometimes makes me smile.  He's also got a set of lungs any opera singer would be jealous of.  A boy does he know how to wale when he wants to :)

The veteran staff keep telling me "he's a hard one" "it's going to take lots of time" "keep doing what you're doing".....that's great, but how do I keep myself going.  One travel mug of coffee and a low calorie lunch doesn't seem to be cutting it.

Not to mention my family at home...I don't feel like walking my dog (mind you it's also raining...ugh) nor do I feel like attempting the new casserole I had planned to make for dinner tonight.  I definitely don't feel like arguing about why I'm tired....because I had a child screaming and spitting and fighting us for 45 minutes today. Yes, he's a spitter.

I love it.  I thrive on it and during it.  I do have a little bit of pride in the fact that I can keep my voice calm and gentle throughout his fit.  I want to be good for these kids.  I want to learn how to be an excellent teacher of students with autism.  I want to sometime come to a point where I can offer other people suggestions, ideas, tips, comments, and know that I have an idea about what I'm talking about.

I suppose if I stick around long enough, that will happen.  There's a battle in my head.  I idea of starting a growing family and having a baby has been floating around in my mind for a while...husband man's too.  We have a few things we'd like to do first, but we're close to that decision.  But then the bigger decision of whether I stay home or come back to school has to be made.  It's what makes me hesitate about having a baby.  I want both.  I want to be a good Mom and be able to care for my children, but I want to be a good teacher.  I don't want to walk away once I finally get a handle on this crazy Autism disability.  What if I put all of this time and energy into learning how to teach these kids and then just walk away from it?  I'm not okay with that right now.  Most people know one way or the other what they want to do.  I thought I knew. This job changed that.  I know what my family and friends are expecting me to do.  Sometimes I think that's the only reason I would pick that....because I don't know if they would be okay if I chose something else.  But that's a later decision for a day that's not even close.

Now, I'm packing my bag; going home; walking my dog in the rain, and yes, making a casserole for my little tiny family of two....oh, after I go to the Dollar Tree to pick up a large eraser that K was supposed to get for a reward last week :(

Happy Teaching!

-M

the [yucky] side of autism...

For the most part, any time a student (one considered "regular" or "special needs") changes environments this thing called a "honeymoon period" occurs.  The length of the honeymoon depends on the student. Kids with Autism can and cannot fall into this category.  For the most part, you'll have at least a few days of great behavior and you'll swear this new student is awesome.  And then the honeymoon ends.

Last Wednesday (yes, it's only been one week since I started my own room...) K entered our school and was placed in my room.  He has an Autism/MR diagnosis and he's reading most words on a first grade level but not usually comprehending; he can do wonders in math when given a calculator. He LOVES playing computer games and his DS.  Both are allowed to be used during breaks and are usually what we picks.  He had a great start last week and I was surprised to see where he was at and how well he was behaving.  Prior to his arrival the "horror stories" about his fits and destruction came to me.  I do my best to take them lightly because 1 (it's pride) but I want to give the chance to do well with me because I want to be that good of a teacher and 2 who wouldn't want a clean slate when they went to a new place.

This week the honeymoon ended.  The stories were true.  For the first time I watched first hand how terribly controlling and angry an autistic fit is. Monday came with two trips to the quiet room both required multiple adult escorts.  He ripped his worksheets over and over and over; broke pencils; threw pencils; kicked his shoes off; and spit :)  I was spit on and he hit my leg a few times but we all survived and laughed about the ending of the honeymoon.  Newbie teacher only got 2 good days :)  funny, right?!

We had two rounds of it today.  Today he hit my jaw.  And he bit my arm.  And he bit my aide's arm.  He didn't break skin but I've got a great headache and my aide has an awesome full mouth bite mark on his arm.  It took three adult men in the therapeutic hold.  It broke my heart.  And yet they tell me this is the best way to teach him that he needs to stay in the classroom and complete his work when asked.

Everyone has their thoughts and opinions about how to handle it.  I'm trying to listen to them mainly because they have been here longer. Some of the things I do not understand and it's so backwards of what I feel like I want to do.  The plan is to keep K in the room and remove everyone else when he is having a fit; I guess it avoids him escaping the room.  So I think I'm going to create a "leave the room" box/bag/bucket because today we were out of our room for over 30 minutes and I was very flustered.

I'm going to clean up my room.  Fill their folders for tomorrow.  I'm going home.  I'm going to walk my dog and ask husband man if we can go eat Chinese tonight. Tomorrow I will come back.  Because good day, bad day, terribly ugly day, that's what I do.  I always come back.  Today I don't know why I'm here.  Possibly because there aren't very many teachers that really want to teach in an alternative ed Autism school.  I'm understanding that more.  But it might also be because God thinks I can handle it.  I think He's a bit nuts; and I'm not going to lie, having never been in a fist fight before I think I need to learn some moves!

It's amazing to me how physically exhausting teaching can be.  Unless you've done it, I don't know that you can understand it.  My brain hurts, my body hurts, my heart aches, and I'm tired.  Tomorrow we get to do it all over again....

....except K has an appointment and won't be here tomorrow :)  good or bad, I'm a little bit relieved about that!

How was your Wednesday?  Do you have any physical wound stories?  Or any room destruction stories?  Or any words of encouragement?!

Happy Teaching!
-M

It's Here! It's Here! IT'S HERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yes, the time has arrived [finally] to open my own classroom.  While there were some paper work items I could gather ahead of time, I pretty much had to wait until last Wednesday [the day before Thanksgiving] to begin working on the room.  I had to continue teaching the 10 older students who I was filling in for the maternity leave with.  It was a juggling act; one I hope I do not have to do again; but we made it through.  I was able to hand over progress monitoring completed through the 3rd week and all work graded when the teacher I was in for returned.  She had three non student days to ready her new room and once the students left on Wednesday, I began "remodeling" the one I was staying in.

My group is [currently...though rumors are floating of an addition coming before the end of December] 6 boys, all 14 or 15 years old and one male aide. Two have a TSS who comes daily/multiple times per week.  *Speaking of TSS...I should probably pull in some extra chairs! oops....*  You'll notice from the photographs that I did my best to tone down my girliness and make sure the things they are going to be using on a daily basis are "boy friendly" and not all pink and purple....though my stuff is :)

I hope you enjoy this first tour of my new classroom!! I still have a few items, which I'll post in the coming days, to add, but overall....we're ready for tomorrow :)

...well, the room is!  I'm still working on my nerves!!!

Math Station

Quiet Zone [aka...sensory corner]?
First Classroom Rule!

Reading Station
Second Classroom Rule

Spelling Station
Third Classroom Rule

Writing Station

Bookshelf: Student Supplies
Mapping Station
Door:  "Finished Work" Folders and Visual Schedules

Classroom Aide table for Aide Time
Morning Meeting board

Information Station
Earn your field trip chart and behavior chart!

My zone :)
SMART Board
and Birthday poster!!!

Teacher time table
Group schedule table
LOVE my little green [dollar tree] bucket!!! YAY!!!!!!!!

Right side of the room

Left side of the room

I'm in love with this room already....I can't wait to see what the kids think tomorrow :) Happy Teaching!!!!!

-M

the overwhelming joy...

"I thought this was your dream."  was the remark from husband man's mouth after I told him I'm just stressed about opening this new room.

It stung a little.  It was (still is, I think) my dream to have my own classroom.  That doesn't take away the stress of starting a brand new one :)

After numerous class list changes and four room rearrangements, I will have a full time aide and 6 wonderfully 14/15 year old boys :)  all have autism + something else!  Five of them attend my school already and I have been getting to know throughout this year.  One of them will start brand new with us next Wednesday!  The cool thing is, that he'll start on the very first day of our new classroom.

The overwhelming this is, he'll start on the very first day of our new classroom...

There are so many more aspects to a classroom than I realized.  I know I have the essential parts in my head, but executing them and having them in place is taking more than the fifteen minutes I feel as though I have :)

The catchy part was that I was still teaching the 10 high schoolers in this room up until yesterday.  As soon as they left, I started to tear apart Kerry's room and shift what was left of her stuff down to her new room.  I left because we were traveling home for Thanksgiving....leaving a HUGE mess for me to come back to.

The good news is that I have Monday and Tuesday to work on my room.  I am beyond grateful the change is happening over a long break because I wouldn't have been able to do it all in a weekend.  I also have a great aide who has offered to help with anything I need!


Any suggestions for how to make a large change a little easier on kids with autism??!!

Happy Thanksgiving!!!

-M

...the crazy world

Autism - noun - a variable developmental disorder that appears by age three and is characterized by impairment of the ability to form normal social relationships, by impairment of the ability to communicate with others, and by stereotyped behavior patterns

^as defined by Meriam Webster's online dictionary.

Wouldn't it be a better world if that statement were fully true. Is it true?  Yes, absolutely.  Is that all that autism is?  No. Not in my little experience. 

Just because a school is labeled as an autism spectrum disorder school also doesn't mean every student there is going to have a (correct or most prevalent) diagnosis of autism.  Many of the students have emotional behaviors that far out weigh their autistic tendencies.  Some days I am so frustrated and exhausted that I want a sensory break to bang my head on the wall and scream.  Yet something inside me reminds my crazy un-restful soul that they are just kids.  Some could be found in the Children & Youth Services database. Some have great families.  Some have lots of siblings and some only have a few.  Some are above their grade level academically and some are years behind.  But at the end of the day they are just kids.  Normal high school kids that want to do some of the normal high school kid things.  They have crushes; and boy do they fixate on those crushes :) They are hormonal.  They want to drive (scary thought!) and they want to go to prom.  They want to fit in; belong; be head of the pack.  The boys showcase their "manliness" in an attempt to over power the others...sound like a small football team yet?! 9 boys and 1 girl....10 in all.  It's so easy to forget they are just kids yet.  Sure, 19 is "technically" an adult...but experiences differ and he's not ready to be an adult yet. He still needs people to care for him.

Sometimes I forget this. Sad to say, but I think that was our problem the last two days.  I had forgotten that at the core of my teaching belief; the foundation; the reason why I come every day; is the belief that all anyone really needs is a little bit of forgiveness, a decent amount of individual attention & quality time, and a whole lot of love.  Because at the end of the day, do any of use want anything less than that?  Why would my students not need those same things? Today, today I will remember that first and foremost God has called me to love them.  Not to fix them; not to be harsh with them; not to constantly correct their autistic behaviors....but simply to love them as they are.  Encourage them and provide a safe environment when there isn't one anywhere else. 

I feel very overwhelmed in this new world that I find myself in. I love my job.  I am so thankful that in a few weeks I will have my own classroom to decorate, arrange, and teach in.  I don't know if the overwhelmed feeling will be more or less then.

...my wish list...

Today I was able to take a few minutes and create my "wish list" of things I'd like to have in my classroom.  I can hardly contain my excitement about getting my own room!  I know that it's going to be a few crazy days to set up the room, so if anyone has any suggestions, I'm open to them :) I will probably have one or two days to get it all ready!!!!!!!!!!!

On a different note, I am getting a new student tomorrow :) He stopped by for a tour today and seems like a nice kid.  He has a slew of initials that have made there way into his IEP.  What a shame :(  I'm praying he will find his nitche at this place and will be able to control past behaviors in a positive environment.  I feel very unprepared as one of the initials he has been diagnosed with is ODD....I don't know much, but I know that it's frustrating for both the student and teacher.  I keep praying for patience and a whole lot of love that I will have the stability and strength to make him feel welcomed into our class.

That's the news for now :)  One exciting Wednesday coming up....

Happy Teaching!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

-M

...it happened!!!

A few days ago (though officially announced today!) I was asked if I would like to stay on staff after finishing   the maternity leave I have been working under now.  ABSOLUTELY!!!!!!!!!  As of December 1st (most likely, though the date is not set in stone) I will have my own classroom at the Autism Academy.

It is going to be crazy.

Most days are exhausting.

I don't really know what I'm doing and if I'm handling each student the best way possible; but I am learning.

I am SO grateful that I have a full time job and I do not have to substitute any more.

I cannot wait to call the local school districts that I had initially thought I would be subbing at and tell them, simply, that I cannot!

Yes, I understand it is a "charter school"; a non-public school; not a private school.  However, it is still a classroom and I am still a teacher who will be given a group of students to teach :)

I will not pass an opportunity up.  I will not turn down a classroom for the sake of "charter school" label.

I will not miss this chance because I am scared of what I don't know....or the exhaustion that is sure to come.

I will know more details in the coming weeks, and I'm certain I'll blog about the transformation of an empty room into my first classroom! I can't wait :)

Any suggestions about setting up a classroom geared for students diagnosed with Autism and/or behavior disorders in a non-public school setting?!?!

What is this I hear about "mood lighting"? Any experiences?

Three weeks in...

Alternative placement. Autistic support. I'm typing while running on an elliptical. Haha stressed? Overwhelmed? Yes to say the least. Most days I have no idea what to do with some of their behaviors... And I have one of the best behaved classes!

Every student is so different from the others. The amount of paperwork needed for each student most days leaves me feeling like I don't do much else. It's a very different environment than public school was

I still struggle with missing my home and my fifth grade job. It was almost magical :) I am thankful for the room I have now but I still remember what last year was and hope that someday I will be there again !

the new "normal"

Most days I still struggle with separating myself from my fifth grade school/class/experience.

But right now I've been blessed with a different kind of opportunity.  I have been given a short term sub position at an Autism Academy.  I'll be teaching a high school support classroom until Thanksgiving vacation.

However, partner teacher pointed out so kindly the other day, it is a charter school.  I knew it wasn't a public school but I didn't go as far into thinking about it as labeling it as a charter school.  So it's a new experience all around for me.

It's a very different environment and I'm starting to adjust to the new rules and systems.  I'm also learning when which kid really needs help and when they are playing the new teacher.  I struggle with juggling ten kids doing ten different things and some needing more motivation than others.

The cool thing is I'm giving some Key Math and DST Reading tests and once I figure out the paperwork I think I'll be good to go :)

Oh, tomorrow they go on their monthly field trip....we're going to play lazer tag and out for lunch!  It's gonna be a fun afternoon!!

Happy Teaching!

and partner teacher said "I was right"...

Yes, yes he was.  In some ways.  To say this summer was not what I expected or planned for it to be would be a mild understatement.  I had given up on being anything but a day to day sub....I figured maybe something long term would come up after Christmas.

Wrong. Wrong again.  Schools around here started this week.  I had heard of an Autism Spectrum Disorder Academy which was opening nearby a few weeks back and had applied for one of their teaching positions; did not hear anything.  I figured I would give them one more call, just in case :)

In nothing other than God's standard way of humbling me and reminding me that He has control and knows what is coming, they needed a shot term substitute with a special education degree :)  OOO That's me!!!!

So two days later I'm sitting in the director's office and she's saying to me "If you tell me you want this job, it's yours and we'll start paperwork today and get you in here next week.  The teacher you are in for is due on September 13th, so we need you here ASAP."  Yes, yes I want this job :)

And so, beginning next week I will be going to an Autism Academy and working in a classroom of 9th - 12th grade students.  The morning is filled with 5 students and the afternoon I will have 10.  To say I am excited is again an understatement.  I am so thankful that God had a place for me here.  I have spent much of my summer frustrated with the timing of everything.....and then I found out why this week.

My first student teaching placement was a 9th - 12th grade Emotional Support classroom....I loved it.  I am so excited to go back to school next week.

If any of you have suggestions for teaching in a high school autistic support room, I'd love to hear them!

Happy Thursday :)