i'm NOT counting down...

*disclaimer: This is a venting post.  Probably will not have any educational value.  This is my current outlet; seeing as it is raining outside, it feels appropriate to post today.*

It started during student teaching.  Apparently it happens every year.  It was a part of teaching that I did not realize actually happened as much as it does.  There isn't a class that prepares you for it.  I have yet to come across a book that speaks to it's core.  It's something I'm not, and desperately pray that I will not be.

The counting down teacher.

I don't understand this concept.  Maybe it's because I'm a newbie.  Maybe it's because I'm not guaranteed anything next year.

Then again, maybe it's because I  absolutely LOVE teaching.  I LOVE leaving my crazy little nut hut (humble abode, home of husband man & baby pup, etc.) at 6:15am and driving my 15 minutes to school and spending the next hour with my iPod in ear prepping for the day ahead. I LOVE handing partner teacher copies of the reading test.  I LOVE saying "good morning" to each of my 18 darlings.

Pause.  I don't have great days.  I fail at least 850,000 times on any given day.  Partner teacher says I need to not worry so much about that; we all learn every day.  Something about his first year he went through the same things....I sort of believe him.  haha.  Watching him teach now, it's hard to imagine that being true.  I am better in many ways than I was on day 1....so maybe he is right.  My kids have their shinning moments and I do try to savor them.  Then we all have our less than stellar moments; days that are frustrating; days that I don't know what I could do to remedy it; days when I think "maybe I'm not good at this."

Unpause.  But I have never said "I want this to be over."  "I can't wait for this to end."  "I don't want to go to school today."  "I want to leave early."  "XX number of days left!"

In fact, I usually run from the conversation when someone throws out the "XX number of days left" comment because my response is currently tears.  It just doesn't make sense to me.  We are given a group of children for only 180 days.  Then we count down until they leave us?!  It doesn't add up!

It sounds horrible, and rude, but honestly, if you are a counting down teacher.....please look at your kids on Monday.  They're not counting down the days until they leave you.  Why are you doing that to them?  Look to the newest teacher in your building (even watch a student teacher if you can).....if they are a passionate, good, newbie teacher, it would be terribly hard for me to believe they are counting down the days until they have no guarantee of a permanent classroom.

I try to be thankful for each day that I get to unlock room 30 at 6:30am.  It may not end up being a great day; or even a day to remember, but I never ever EVER want to lock that door at 4:30pm (and yea, that's usually when I'm content enough to leave) and say "Only XX number to go..."  If I reach that day I truly hope someone will walk up to me and say "It's time for you to go.  You have lost the passion."

Apology - I do understand that there are some groups of students who are TERRIBLE.  No matter how hard the passionate teacher tries, it just may end up being a tough group to teach.  I am sorry if that is your group.  I truly am.  Savor those bad kids though.  They need you to come for XX number of days and continue to care about them.  I promise I'm with you on the bad days.  Partner teacher can vouch for the fact that I don't have much confidence by the end of the day.  He usually laughs at me and offers some words of encouragement.  I hope you have a partner teacher (same grade or not) that does that for you.

Coming soon (as in, when I remember to bring my camera home so I have the pictures) showcase tree, contraction caterpillars, and fraction/percent/decimal anchor charts....

....the end of the break...

YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  We're going back to school tomorrow :)

UH OH.....we're going on a field trip tomorrow :-D  haha  I continue to be very fickle, and "fence sitting" on how I feel about it.  It probably shouldn't be a big deal.  We're taking them twenty minutes away; we have enough chaperones; I have name tags ready and the kids are already grouped.  My camera is charged and empty so we should be good to go right?

I think I'm most nervous about their behavior.  What do I do if they don't behave?  I'm 99.9% sure they will...they're great kiddos....but what if?  Do you call them out right there or do you wait?  Do they get removed from activities and have to stand with me the rest of the day?

I figure it's practice for our bigger trip in May.  Surely I can put 19 of us on a bus and get us back safely right?!

In my other world....baby pup reached 30 lbs :-D WAHOOOOO!!!  Humble abode is pretty clean and (get this!) all the laundry is clean WAHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO  This hasn't happened since......ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm  January?!

I am looking forward to this week.  I don't have a great reason and I'm not positive why....maybe just making some realizations over this long break?  Who knows!!!!!!!  Even so, I've got a feeling it's going to be a great week!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

...breaks from school...

We were laughing (and sort of complaining!) on Wednesday because we are certain there have been almost no five day weeks since we have returned from Christmas break!  It is crazy!  I must admit, I have not been there for very many five day weeks!  This one was no different, in fact, it was only 3 days!  Two days in and we're already at "Thursday"! haha

I'm currently on a five day break from school.  Thursday - Monday.  Today was nice for husband man and I to get errands done, eat Chinese food (YUM!) and play with baby pup.  Tomorrow I leave to come home with my family for the weekend....which will be nice I'm certain.  I am laughing at myself (and sometimes out loud!) at my packing pile.  Baby pup is coming with me and currently I have my school stuff packed! haha Nothing for baby pup, nothing for myself. But all my school stuff is ready for the treck!  Will I do any of it?!  ER????  Maybe?!  But I have this anxiety about letting it all behind for four days!

I realized today, while husband man, baby pup, and I were walking to the park, that I don't know that I am capable of turning my brain off of school.  We'd be conversing and I'd mentally drift away.....

"Don't forget to finish name tags for Tuesday."  "80 leaves.  Shoot. I didn't bring home green paper!" "Grade the writing prompts"  "Find enjoyable health projects. Stop making them take notes."  "Venn Diagrams?  I could have used those more in Science. Why don't I think of those things?"  and on the tangent thoughts go!

"Babe" husband man says.
"Yeah?" comes my reply.
"What are you thinking about?"
 "Random school stuff."
"You're not in school today."
"I know, but I don't think it stops."
"That's weird."

haha Typical conversation about school!  Oh well :)  What is possibly the worst part?  I absolutely LoVe tangent thoughts about school.  I'm not looking forward to the day when I don't have a reason to have tangent thoughts haha!  Surely good lessons and great activities come from these tangent thoughts?

Coming sometime next week....Contraction Caterpillars (yeahup....we did an artsy grammar project in 5th grade!)

Happy Easter!  and Happy Teaching!

goodbye, march?

Today is March 31st....really?  Can't be, can it?  I'm fairly certain that in my little bubble of the world January 3rd was only 2 weeks ago and I'm still floundering trying to figure out 5th grade!  Somewhere between 2 weeks and 3 months?! we're headed into April.  I love April for multiple reasons.  First, it usually means spring and flowers and rain showers that make everything smell like, er...new?  We have been blessed with an early spring here so some flowers have bloomed and I do believe the smell-like-new-rain shower is on its way!  Secondly, for the last four years of my life, April meant the last month of college.  By the beginning of May I would be packing up to move home and finishing up my finals for the year.  I am more than thankful April does not mean I only have one more month of fifth grade left.  I don't think I'm ready for that yet.  Lots of people are counting down (we're somewhere is the 40s I think?) the number of days until summer arrives.  I'm not.  I don't enjoy change, I don't welcome change, and usually if I can, I run wildly in the opposite direction of change.  It's slightly ironic seeing as how the past three months of my life I have spent changing who I am as a teacher, hopefully becoming a better one.  Most days I still feel quite insecure in my teaching.  Ask partner teacher how many times in any given day I interrupt with various questions....most of which I probably should be able to just make a decision and move on.  Yet I have this anxiety that I'm not capable of making the right decision.  So I ask him, he's better at this and more experienced at it.  If my initial answer matches his I know I'm good....if it doesn't, I'm thankful I didn't go with my instinct!  haha, Want an example?

We're a Storytown Reading Curriculum school and in 5th grade there are 30 lessons.  Well, we will be finished with 30 lessons prior to being finished with school....by a few weeks.  Exciting?!  I KNOW!!!  That means we can do literature circles!!  My kids have been hinting for a month or so that they are tired of the routine curriculum and would really like to read chapter books.  I haven't told them that we're going to read chapter books yet, I kind of want to surprise them :) Anyways, partner teacher and I will be in the same boat as we stay together on which lessons we're doing when.  I'm a bit of an over planner and tend to have anxiety about new things...eh literature circles in this case!  I wanted to start organizing my groups now, because I know the next four weeks will go by quickly and I'll be into the circles before I'm ready to jump if I don't start now!   So I laid my groups out, rearranged, and laid out again.  Fourteen hundred (slight exaggeration?!) questions later, I was satisfied that I had good groups!  I went over to partner teacher and said "I have my groups.  Do you think 5 is too many?"  He laughed.  Simply laughed at me.  "M, you're not going to want more than 3 going at the same time." came his reply.  In my head I'm thinking "I could handle 5.  There are 5 days in a cycle, each day I meet with one group.  I have five good groups laid out, I don't want 3."  I think my face gave away my disagreement.  "Trust me.  You don't want 5 groups....3 max."  he said.  I left the room and threw my tantrum in the hallway.  haha  Twenty minutes later I had 3 groups.  The farther into the planning I get, the more thankful I am that partner teacher laughs at me and tells me that no, 5 is way too many groups. Just go with 3.

Have you taught literature circles before?  Ideas or suggestions?  Do's and don'ts?  Am I diving into a bottomless swimming pool?!  Happy teaching!

what I learned this week...

I typed this while out of town last weekend for a family funeral.  I'm just getting around to finishing and posting.


This week, I have learned......

....to be thankful for the caring staff I am blessed to work with.
....to look my students in the eye and every once in a while, stop to take in their inosence.
....to take them outside and teach them (er....watch partner teacher teach them) about nature
....to remember this life can be short. It is filled with beautiful stories that involve some wonderful people. I am not guaranteed any amount of time in any given place. I don't think I am very good at cherishing the precious moments I am blessed with. I get so wrapped up in organizing, planning, executing all plans, and staying "on track" that I'm pretty sure I've missed moments that were meant to be filled with love.
.....to savor the time I have with my husband. I realized this past week that school has
become my main focus. Not him. Not our baby marriage. Not even our precious dog. I don't exactly know how I am going to balance school and him better, maybe by starting to stay him and school. I want to though.

When I met husband man a few years back, I slowly met his family. Fantastic family! I am blessed to have two fantastic families. Some of his family lives in West Virginia. Grandma and Grandpa are two of those people.  Grandma was already pretty deep into the Alzheimers disease when I met her. Grandpa though, he is one of those "The Notebook" men. The men that you don't meet very often. Grandma died on Friday. He was right by her side as she left this Earth. There story is beautiful. It's the story I hope to have. He adored her. He cherished her. He loved her to the very end of her life. He always did whatever she needed to be comfortable. I'm sure somedays weren't always beautiful, but their story ended beautifully.  There was a photo on display at the funeral; his hands wrapped around hers.  That's how they always were.  That's what I hope to always be.

Are you good at balancing school and home?  Or is it "territory that comes with the job" that I'll never get past?

somewhere around 4:22am....

I found myself laying awake, for the second day in a row.  Stress?  I don't think so.  Nerves? Not that I know of.  Pure anxiety? Again, no?!  So why would a newbie exhausted teacher be wide awake at 4:22am for the second morning in a row?  Oh...the pup haha yeah.  She was dreaming and must have been talking to the rabbit she was chasing.  She woke this newbie teacher up.  Once I'm up, my brain is going......and so began my day.  Starting with the mental list of things that I need to get done today.......(insert cloud bubble).....

.....review spelling words
......read story again
.....finish class book; it needs mailed tomorrow
.....oh you didn't print those photos for the class book yet
.....oh you didn't write your stories either
.....don't forget you and partner teacher need to plan at least the begging of the Civil War unit
.....kiddos have choir this morning; no morning work time
.....G is leaving early and needs to take spelling test right away today

Got the idea?  So here I am bloggy world.  My photos are ready to be printed and my pup is sound asleep on the couch....go figure!  She has a dream and I'm the one awake! haha  BUT, seeing as I had an extra 45 minutes (and yes I realize they probably should have been spent getting ready to leave early or running on the treadmill or trying to go back to sleep) I decided to post a few more photos just because I can.  I figure the list is still mostly going to be there at 8:00am regardless of what I do at 4:30am!  Enjoy the photos!!

Happy Teaching!

State testing laws require pretty much everything to be taken down or covered up.  Partner teacher
and I each created a similar banner to cover up a large bulletin board.  It made the room look less empty!

I originally found one similar to this on Pinterest (pretty addicting!) but when
I went to create my own I morphed it!  haha This is what I ended up with.

a fifth grade request...

Being a newbie, my experience with children's literature (especially books beyond first grade choices!) is pretty limited.  My mind has been opened to this world of Magic Tree House Kids, Diary of a Wimpy Kid, and a few other series, one of which is about Owls!  I am excited to be approaching our last Storytown literature theme!  It's a good curriculum, but I do believe the students and I are both looking forward to "What do we do after we're done?!"

Well, they don't know this, but I would like to do chapter book literature circles.  I have two main skill groups in my classroom; however, my kiddos have a wide range of independent reading levels.  I am looking to spend two maybe three weeks on one book.  I'd like to have at least three maybe four books going.  All of this is brainstorm in my mind.  I think they would really enjoy working in small groups and I know they have been requesting "chapter books"!

Do any of you followers (HAHA!!! I have followers!!! WAHOOO!!!) have any suggestions for my fifth grade class??

four day weeks...

I have come to realize that having Friday off does not bother me near as much as having Monday off.  It's only 8:45am Sunday morning and already I have had to remind myself 3 times that I am not going to school tomorrow and that's okay.  I'm not supposed to go to school tomorrow.  It just feels weird to be anywhere but school on a Monday.  I get quite anxious with four day weeks...though I'm fairly certain if I counted them, I have had more four day weeks since January than five day ones!  Still, no school on Monday gives this teacher the nervous butterflies :)  Enough of me complaining about having off school....

Husband man and I have plans to clean our carpet tomorrow on our day off.  Should be interesting.  We have a cute lil pup named Mia....whose age we still don't know.  She's getting bigger and biting like mad, so we'll keep her :)  She doesn't like when I vacuum the carpet, so I'm certain she'll LoVe the steam vac hahaHAHAHAHA anyone want to come watch the three of us attempt to clean tomorrow? I promise it'll be entertaining.

Mia is adorable, adventurous, time consuming, and spoiled! haha She gets bites of my toast in the morning, husband mans empty yogurt containers, and even an emptied peanut butter jar to roll around the abode.  She has become my growing baby, and yes, I unashamedly admit to picking her (23.5 lbs and all) up and holding her.  Yeahup, I do.  It has become one of my favorite moments of my day.

Do you (who don't ever look at my bloggy space haha) want to see a picture of my munchkin?!

*sigh*...

Well, it appears that we have successfully made it through round 1 of our state testing.  We have spent the last three mornings testing reading and math.  WOW did those kiddos amaze me.  If you have never watched students who have been told for weeks that "you know this!"  "you will do GREAT!"  "you are all smart cookies" take these state tests, you need to.  These kids worked so hard on these tests.  I couldn't be more proud.  It was interesting this year because the state threw out a new mandate saying the regular teacher can not administer the test to their own students.  So partner teacher and I had to switch rooms for all three mornings.  Now, partner teacher and I have very similar tastes in organization....that being that we sort of have to be organized in order to survive.  We were not thrilled about the idea of not having "our" stuff for the mornings.  So I packed my largest bag and he packed up a box and switch rooms we did.  It was the sweetest feeling to again back my bag this morning and return to my room.  AH!  His room is fantastic, but it's not "my room", it's not "my bucket of pens", etc.  Those of you who share our borderline OCD organizational skills will fully understand.

But our kids, man oh man, did they work hard!  We had the most beautiful weather for March for our area!!  65+ degrees each afternoon and we took them out to play.  I am proud (and fully thrilled!) to say that I have a slightly sun burned face....glorious, yes?!  In MARCH?!!!!! I'm tickled pink.

I put my 18 munchkins on their bus tonight and breathed a sweet sigh of relief.  We all made it....including me :)  Tomorrow is an in-service day for us....while most people seem to prefer to skip these days, I am rather enjoying them.

So, until next week....Happy teaching!

if i could....

I would bring my husband, his co-workers, and some members of my family to my classroom.  I would sit them in the back (preferably behind a one way mirror) and tell them to watch.  I'd give them cookies and coffee or soda if they prefer; and I'd let them have chairs.  The comfortable kind, not the straight back conference kind.  This group of people seem to not understand what it takes to be a great teacher.  Sure, you can go in right before the kids and you can follow them out the door.  You can write simple lesson plans and never make a visual aid or review game and still be considered a teacher....maybe even a good teacher.  That isn't enough for me.  I don't want to be "a teacher" or "a good teacher".  I want to be "a great teacher".  A teacher like "Freedom Writers" who meets her students where their at and forces them to reach their potential.  I usually don't feel like I'm "a great teacher", but I want to continue to strive towards that.  The problem I'm finding is the group of people closest to me seem to not understand this difference.  Teaching is teaching to them.  I shouldn't be exhausted after a week.  I shouldn't be grumpy or crying because work should stay at work; not come home through the front door with me.

I'm here to say they are terribly wrong.  Work should not stay at work.  I should be exhausted every day and every week.  I should feel like crying, when things go really well and when they fail miserably.  Daresay I should be praying for my group of students every day and I should be kneeling before the throne of grace asking for strength and love to give to them each day.  This is my passion, it's what I was created to do.  I know deep down these students were given to me, even for a short time, for a reason.  There is something God wants me to show them.  I stopped focusing on that about 3 weeks back.  I feel as though all I do is fail. I guess it could be a "lack of experience" or "first year teacher syndrome".  Maybe it's more because I stopped asking for grace and strength to honor Him in my classroom and with my students.  I am overwhelmed, I feel inexperienced, I do not have much confidence in my ability right now.  I plan and plan and plan; I try to create the most useful and memorable visuals to help my students grow...most days they leave, I come back to my room and I stare at the walls wondering if I taught them anything.

So anyways, I want this group to come and watch.  Watch the lack of coffee I drink (only right away, once we get going, the cup sits in the back), the amount of energy I expel (in keeping their attention, in presenting a lesson, in showing them I care about them), the amount of interruptions I try to deal with quickly (the young girl who is crying, the two boys who constantly bicker), and the amount of time it takes to prepare even a twenty minute review lesson.  I want them to watch...and see...and know that it's not as easy as walking in at 8am and leaving at 3pm.  I want them to see how these students look at me when they are sad, confused, overwhelmed, feeling neglected, or lonely.  I want them to see how I need to be just as excited as the student who did something well and just as somber as the lonely body starring back at me is.

I think I'm starting to forget why I chose education.  Seeing as no one reads my blog (at least not yet...) I think this is going to be my "reminder" post.  This is written for me...

Meghan Elizabeth,
You mustn't forget why you chose to be a teacher.  Remember in first grade....looking to Mrs. Hagerty?  She started your little dream; be like her.  Remember in fifth grade....looking at Mr. Wilson for his "moment of silence" with his head bowed every day; be like him.  Remember your first grade field experience....how excited you were to finally be in a classroom; don't lose that excitement.  Remember your third grade and seventh grade experience co-ops; don't become them! Remember the day you walked into the high school emotional support class and you met the group of young men you were going to get to work; don't EVER give up on ANY student....Patrick, DJ, Zack, Kay....they worked, and they worked for YOU, because you CARED....and you showed them you cared; don't stop caring Meg. Then there was sixth grade...the group of street wise kids, the burned-out teachers, the lounge filled with "I'm glad I'm not trying to find a job..." conversations; don't listen to them....don't dwell on that.  God is bigger than any economic issue; He'll give you the classroom when He is ready to have you there.  Then the subbing began!!  Five weeks with 5th & 6th graders....wasn't it blissful?  It was an experience that taught you how to start the school year; save that binder! Day to day went okay; good with bad, but lots of new ideas...you wrote them down :) Finally, January rolled around and you were handed a key; that unlocked room three zero.  Room three zero was filled with eighteen 5th graders.  They are yours for the rest of the year.  Meghan Elizabeth LOVE them!  Teach them, care for them, but carry their burdens and excitements.  It was worked well every time before.  They need you to be passionate.  They need you to be thankful for the time you've been given; not moping because next year is unknown.  God could have placed you anywhere, or nowhere at all.  Instead, He put you here...in room three zero to grow in your teaching abilities and to care for His eighteen children.  It never was about the money, it still  isn't, and don't you ever let it be.  It always was, always is, and always will be about the kiddos :) It doesn't matter what people walking past may think of your crazy song and dance.  The children coming into the room are your top priority.  Nothing else matters more.  Trust Him to provide the strength, grace, and love for each day.  Give them your best and never less than your all.  When the day is through, tears may fall...and thank God for them; for it shows the passion you have and the attachment you have made. He gave you a heart to overflow for these children.  He created you to teach.

“Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go.”” Joshua 1:9 NIV


Now I shall end.  We start our last five day week before state tests tomorrow :)
Happy Sunday!