i'm NOT counting down...

*disclaimer: This is a venting post.  Probably will not have any educational value.  This is my current outlet; seeing as it is raining outside, it feels appropriate to post today.*

It started during student teaching.  Apparently it happens every year.  It was a part of teaching that I did not realize actually happened as much as it does.  There isn't a class that prepares you for it.  I have yet to come across a book that speaks to it's core.  It's something I'm not, and desperately pray that I will not be.

The counting down teacher.

I don't understand this concept.  Maybe it's because I'm a newbie.  Maybe it's because I'm not guaranteed anything next year.

Then again, maybe it's because I  absolutely LOVE teaching.  I LOVE leaving my crazy little nut hut (humble abode, home of husband man & baby pup, etc.) at 6:15am and driving my 15 minutes to school and spending the next hour with my iPod in ear prepping for the day ahead. I LOVE handing partner teacher copies of the reading test.  I LOVE saying "good morning" to each of my 18 darlings.

Pause.  I don't have great days.  I fail at least 850,000 times on any given day.  Partner teacher says I need to not worry so much about that; we all learn every day.  Something about his first year he went through the same things....I sort of believe him.  haha.  Watching him teach now, it's hard to imagine that being true.  I am better in many ways than I was on day 1....so maybe he is right.  My kids have their shinning moments and I do try to savor them.  Then we all have our less than stellar moments; days that are frustrating; days that I don't know what I could do to remedy it; days when I think "maybe I'm not good at this."

Unpause.  But I have never said "I want this to be over."  "I can't wait for this to end."  "I don't want to go to school today."  "I want to leave early."  "XX number of days left!"

In fact, I usually run from the conversation when someone throws out the "XX number of days left" comment because my response is currently tears.  It just doesn't make sense to me.  We are given a group of children for only 180 days.  Then we count down until they leave us?!  It doesn't add up!

It sounds horrible, and rude, but honestly, if you are a counting down teacher.....please look at your kids on Monday.  They're not counting down the days until they leave you.  Why are you doing that to them?  Look to the newest teacher in your building (even watch a student teacher if you can).....if they are a passionate, good, newbie teacher, it would be terribly hard for me to believe they are counting down the days until they have no guarantee of a permanent classroom.

I try to be thankful for each day that I get to unlock room 30 at 6:30am.  It may not end up being a great day; or even a day to remember, but I never ever EVER want to lock that door at 4:30pm (and yea, that's usually when I'm content enough to leave) and say "Only XX number to go..."  If I reach that day I truly hope someone will walk up to me and say "It's time for you to go.  You have lost the passion."

Apology - I do understand that there are some groups of students who are TERRIBLE.  No matter how hard the passionate teacher tries, it just may end up being a tough group to teach.  I am sorry if that is your group.  I truly am.  Savor those bad kids though.  They need you to come for XX number of days and continue to care about them.  I promise I'm with you on the bad days.  Partner teacher can vouch for the fact that I don't have much confidence by the end of the day.  He usually laughs at me and offers some words of encouragement.  I hope you have a partner teacher (same grade or not) that does that for you.

Coming soon (as in, when I remember to bring my camera home so I have the pictures) showcase tree, contraction caterpillars, and fraction/percent/decimal anchor charts....

....the end of the break...

YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  We're going back to school tomorrow :)

UH OH.....we're going on a field trip tomorrow :-D  haha  I continue to be very fickle, and "fence sitting" on how I feel about it.  It probably shouldn't be a big deal.  We're taking them twenty minutes away; we have enough chaperones; I have name tags ready and the kids are already grouped.  My camera is charged and empty so we should be good to go right?

I think I'm most nervous about their behavior.  What do I do if they don't behave?  I'm 99.9% sure they will...they're great kiddos....but what if?  Do you call them out right there or do you wait?  Do they get removed from activities and have to stand with me the rest of the day?

I figure it's practice for our bigger trip in May.  Surely I can put 19 of us on a bus and get us back safely right?!

In my other world....baby pup reached 30 lbs :-D WAHOOOOO!!!  Humble abode is pretty clean and (get this!) all the laundry is clean WAHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO  This hasn't happened since......ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm  January?!

I am looking forward to this week.  I don't have a great reason and I'm not positive why....maybe just making some realizations over this long break?  Who knows!!!!!!!  Even so, I've got a feeling it's going to be a great week!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

...breaks from school...

We were laughing (and sort of complaining!) on Wednesday because we are certain there have been almost no five day weeks since we have returned from Christmas break!  It is crazy!  I must admit, I have not been there for very many five day weeks!  This one was no different, in fact, it was only 3 days!  Two days in and we're already at "Thursday"! haha

I'm currently on a five day break from school.  Thursday - Monday.  Today was nice for husband man and I to get errands done, eat Chinese food (YUM!) and play with baby pup.  Tomorrow I leave to come home with my family for the weekend....which will be nice I'm certain.  I am laughing at myself (and sometimes out loud!) at my packing pile.  Baby pup is coming with me and currently I have my school stuff packed! haha Nothing for baby pup, nothing for myself. But all my school stuff is ready for the treck!  Will I do any of it?!  ER????  Maybe?!  But I have this anxiety about letting it all behind for four days!

I realized today, while husband man, baby pup, and I were walking to the park, that I don't know that I am capable of turning my brain off of school.  We'd be conversing and I'd mentally drift away.....

"Don't forget to finish name tags for Tuesday."  "80 leaves.  Shoot. I didn't bring home green paper!" "Grade the writing prompts"  "Find enjoyable health projects. Stop making them take notes."  "Venn Diagrams?  I could have used those more in Science. Why don't I think of those things?"  and on the tangent thoughts go!

"Babe" husband man says.
"Yeah?" comes my reply.
"What are you thinking about?"
 "Random school stuff."
"You're not in school today."
"I know, but I don't think it stops."
"That's weird."

haha Typical conversation about school!  Oh well :)  What is possibly the worst part?  I absolutely LoVe tangent thoughts about school.  I'm not looking forward to the day when I don't have a reason to have tangent thoughts haha!  Surely good lessons and great activities come from these tangent thoughts?

Coming sometime next week....Contraction Caterpillars (yeahup....we did an artsy grammar project in 5th grade!)

Happy Easter!  and Happy Teaching!