i'm NOT counting down...

*disclaimer: This is a venting post.  Probably will not have any educational value.  This is my current outlet; seeing as it is raining outside, it feels appropriate to post today.*

It started during student teaching.  Apparently it happens every year.  It was a part of teaching that I did not realize actually happened as much as it does.  There isn't a class that prepares you for it.  I have yet to come across a book that speaks to it's core.  It's something I'm not, and desperately pray that I will not be.

The counting down teacher.

I don't understand this concept.  Maybe it's because I'm a newbie.  Maybe it's because I'm not guaranteed anything next year.

Then again, maybe it's because I  absolutely LOVE teaching.  I LOVE leaving my crazy little nut hut (humble abode, home of husband man & baby pup, etc.) at 6:15am and driving my 15 minutes to school and spending the next hour with my iPod in ear prepping for the day ahead. I LOVE handing partner teacher copies of the reading test.  I LOVE saying "good morning" to each of my 18 darlings.

Pause.  I don't have great days.  I fail at least 850,000 times on any given day.  Partner teacher says I need to not worry so much about that; we all learn every day.  Something about his first year he went through the same things....I sort of believe him.  haha.  Watching him teach now, it's hard to imagine that being true.  I am better in many ways than I was on day 1....so maybe he is right.  My kids have their shinning moments and I do try to savor them.  Then we all have our less than stellar moments; days that are frustrating; days that I don't know what I could do to remedy it; days when I think "maybe I'm not good at this."

Unpause.  But I have never said "I want this to be over."  "I can't wait for this to end."  "I don't want to go to school today."  "I want to leave early."  "XX number of days left!"

In fact, I usually run from the conversation when someone throws out the "XX number of days left" comment because my response is currently tears.  It just doesn't make sense to me.  We are given a group of children for only 180 days.  Then we count down until they leave us?!  It doesn't add up!

It sounds horrible, and rude, but honestly, if you are a counting down teacher.....please look at your kids on Monday.  They're not counting down the days until they leave you.  Why are you doing that to them?  Look to the newest teacher in your building (even watch a student teacher if you can).....if they are a passionate, good, newbie teacher, it would be terribly hard for me to believe they are counting down the days until they have no guarantee of a permanent classroom.

I try to be thankful for each day that I get to unlock room 30 at 6:30am.  It may not end up being a great day; or even a day to remember, but I never ever EVER want to lock that door at 4:30pm (and yea, that's usually when I'm content enough to leave) and say "Only XX number to go..."  If I reach that day I truly hope someone will walk up to me and say "It's time for you to go.  You have lost the passion."

Apology - I do understand that there are some groups of students who are TERRIBLE.  No matter how hard the passionate teacher tries, it just may end up being a tough group to teach.  I am sorry if that is your group.  I truly am.  Savor those bad kids though.  They need you to come for XX number of days and continue to care about them.  I promise I'm with you on the bad days.  Partner teacher can vouch for the fact that I don't have much confidence by the end of the day.  He usually laughs at me and offers some words of encouragement.  I hope you have a partner teacher (same grade or not) that does that for you.

Coming soon (as in, when I remember to bring my camera home so I have the pictures) showcase tree, contraction caterpillars, and fraction/percent/decimal anchor charts....