a boy called K...

Some cookies are tougher to crack than others.  I honestly prefer the puffy soft cookies but I can understand why some people like the hard cookies that have to be dipped into milk in order to have a bite taken out of them.

K is a tough cookie.  It's going to take a lot more than a little milk to crack this kid.  Two meltdowns, three adult men, and one teacher desperately trying to keep her voice calm and 45 minutes later......he was calm enough to walk down to the sensory room on his own.  He didn't make it in time for the van to take him home so his dad had to drove over an hour to come pick him up.  Ruins my after school plans and it ruins his afternoon/early evening because he has to drive so much.

K's a sweet boy with a high pitched voice that sometimes makes me smile.  He's also got a set of lungs any opera singer would be jealous of.  A boy does he know how to wale when he wants to :)

The veteran staff keep telling me "he's a hard one" "it's going to take lots of time" "keep doing what you're doing".....that's great, but how do I keep myself going.  One travel mug of coffee and a low calorie lunch doesn't seem to be cutting it.

Not to mention my family at home...I don't feel like walking my dog (mind you it's also raining...ugh) nor do I feel like attempting the new casserole I had planned to make for dinner tonight.  I definitely don't feel like arguing about why I'm tired....because I had a child screaming and spitting and fighting us for 45 minutes today. Yes, he's a spitter.

I love it.  I thrive on it and during it.  I do have a little bit of pride in the fact that I can keep my voice calm and gentle throughout his fit.  I want to be good for these kids.  I want to learn how to be an excellent teacher of students with autism.  I want to sometime come to a point where I can offer other people suggestions, ideas, tips, comments, and know that I have an idea about what I'm talking about.

I suppose if I stick around long enough, that will happen.  There's a battle in my head.  I idea of starting a growing family and having a baby has been floating around in my mind for a while...husband man's too.  We have a few things we'd like to do first, but we're close to that decision.  But then the bigger decision of whether I stay home or come back to school has to be made.  It's what makes me hesitate about having a baby.  I want both.  I want to be a good Mom and be able to care for my children, but I want to be a good teacher.  I don't want to walk away once I finally get a handle on this crazy Autism disability.  What if I put all of this time and energy into learning how to teach these kids and then just walk away from it?  I'm not okay with that right now.  Most people know one way or the other what they want to do.  I thought I knew. This job changed that.  I know what my family and friends are expecting me to do.  Sometimes I think that's the only reason I would pick that....because I don't know if they would be okay if I chose something else.  But that's a later decision for a day that's not even close.

Now, I'm packing my bag; going home; walking my dog in the rain, and yes, making a casserole for my little tiny family of two....oh, after I go to the Dollar Tree to pick up a large eraser that K was supposed to get for a reward last week :(

Happy Teaching!

-M